thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
