I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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