he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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