I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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