Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize