Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
