i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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