Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
