I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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