He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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