I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
