i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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