You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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