I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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