I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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