wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
