It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
