Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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