I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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