thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
