Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Every concussion has its silver lining
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
