I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
3 2 1 whiskey
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize