i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
