All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
