Your mouth is God's brothel.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
