hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
