i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
