Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
