You work out of a Hotel?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
