Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(802): View more from Vermont

it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear

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(847): View more from Illinois

i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

i wish peter jackson would direct porn

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(415): View more from California

Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

I wish life had little blips of pornography

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please

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(469): View more from Texas

Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?

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(519): View more from Ontario

I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.

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