I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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