The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
