I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
