Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
