I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
