she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
