TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
