Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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