Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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