Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Boobs are out for the taking
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
