That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
