The maid of honor just puked.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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