we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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