the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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