too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
