Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize