I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
3pm strippers are depressing
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
