I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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