Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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