i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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