one two three fourrrrnication!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
