i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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