i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize