we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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