Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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