apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
