Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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