hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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