i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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