Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well I just put wine in my tea
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
