ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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