I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize