I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
