If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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