It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
